On Being Human
Being human isn’t working so well for me right now. How’s it looking for you?
I can’t see the wood for the trees.
Life. Oh life. I love you but lately I’m not a fan.
It’s been months since I’ve felt happy. It’s subjective, I realise. And doesn’t that just add to the guilt?
Yes.
I’ve read about this. I’ve read it’s okay to feel down despite having someone else’s ideal existence. I’m told it’s natural for an imbalance in hormones to trigger emotional distress and that grief can manifest long after a loved one’s departure. It’s all very well and I have great compassion for others at these times, but I’m having difficulty accepting my own experience at the minute.
I don’t understand what’s happening. Are hormones and grief anything to do with my thoughts? My actions? Both? I don’t know if the character I’ve displayed these past four months is to do with perimenopause, but it doesn’t represent the me with whom people (or I) are accustomed. I guess this period could be about losing my best friend, my dog Yippee. Just writing his name brings tears. But I think his death is part of a greater picture that needs unravelling.
I’ve been crying each day. It’s been 14 weeks. That’s not usual for me. Is it for anyone? This extended mix of sadness, anger, and numbness doesn’t appear to be going away, and that tells me I need to reach out.
When I was inspired to create this website it was based on a discovery I’d made in 2016 of the other voice in my head. It was different to my usual narrative. The words weren’t '‘mine” so to speak. It was The Other Me. I know we all have that voice, if only we can tune in to its frequency. It is the wiser, ever-loving, non-conditional, omnipresent, Other You. The one that guides to the right path. It calls you out when it’s had enough of your shit. Not in a motivational “You Can Do This” sense. Rather, it’s more of a proclamation: “I can’t live with myself any longer”, as per Eckhart Tolle. The Other You is beyond human. It’s a higher consciousness. And that’s what I’m having difficulty connecting with lately. Right now The Other Me is nowhere to be found.
So while the intention of my writings on this site was to share an uplifting view of life from The Other Me, here I am with words vomited from the shitty human. I am fully entrenched in my earthly being right now. And 14 weeks is enough of that disconnection for me. With weekly signs that things aren’t getting any better, today I reached out to another for support, until I can re-establish frequency with the best help I’ve ever had - The Other Me.
Being compassionate with oneself is hard.
If you need help please reach out. There is so much guidance out there in all kinds of forms - phone, email, website, in person meetings, forums - from so many avenues. Tell a friend, tell a professional, tell what needs to be told.
But if it’s really serious, don’t wait a moment longer. Speak up before your story gets told for you.
Lifeline Australia: Phone 13 11 14.