How To Love An Emotional Person
If you have ever told someone they’re too emotional, this one’s for you.
I should have written this article yesterday when I was much more expressive of my feelings. Give me a minute though, to reflect on the happenings of the past few weeks, and I’m sure I can conjure some of that scary stuff—emotion—especially for you the reader.
If you’re the type who rigidifies at the very mention of the word please don’t be afraid. I’m safely behind the screen. You won’t need to deal with me or my emotive writing; well, not in person at least.
So, you have a beloved that, put simply, is too emotional. You just don’t get it and you don’t know what to do when they’re like that. You admit it’s not always the case, but when their emotion is switched on full bore life is uncomfortable. Frankly, your ideal outcome is for them to snap out of it. You want normalcy to return. You want the emotion to stop. If they can’t turn it off then they should turn it down. You think a better way that they could deal with the situational stress is to tough it out and not express what they’re going through. Like, can’t they suppress their emotions for your sake and for the good of the relationship?
Before we look at strategies to help you positively influence another’s emotional state, and in turn help you love them for all they are, emotions included, let’s break it down.
How do you measure what is too much emotion? I’ll tell you how. The measure lies in each person’s capacity to receive. To say another person is too emotional is admitting there’s more sentiment on display than you can handle. So the issue here is not the amount of emotional content, it’s the stomach you have for it. A truer statement would be, “You’re too emotional for me.” It may be blunt of me to say so, but if there is a problem in all this, it lies with the consumer.
Since I’m well experienced in the art of feeling (sounds so much better than being too emotional), and consider myself one of the brave (who doesn’t shy away from the colourful array of emotions we humans have on offer), I’d like to suggest some simple steps to aid those with ruffled feathers drowning in the sea of another’s emotion.
If your objective is to reduce the amount of emotion on display, it would be clever to refrain from telling the emotional person in question that they’re too emotional. Just. Don’t. This is otherwise known as Poking the Bear 101.
Don’t take the emotion personally. You don’t need to fix it. It’s not about you right now. You’ll be back in the spotlight soon enough once the emotion has passed, but at this minute you need to disassociate from the emotion while remaining connected to the person you love. Let them know you have their back and you’re not going anywhere. The focus in the relationship may be different while emotions are being worked through but what you lose on the swings, you’ll make up for on the roundabouts.
When you notice the “you’re too emotional” response coming on it’s likely you’re encountering some emotion of your own. Are you feeling confronted by your loved one’s tears, anger or mood swings? It could be worse. Did you know anger turned inward can result in depression? Which would you prefer? A week or two for fluctuations in feelings to play out, or months (sometimes years) for a depression to pass? Be grateful the person is so safe in your love and comfortable in your presence to be themselves rather than hiding behind the veil of pretence they wear in front of others.
If you’re not as willing (or able) to express feelings of happiness, sadness, fear, excitement, anger, joy, surprise, anticipation, frustration and the like, it’s you that’s vanilla. Admitting that we all—you included—experience these emotions to a degree will increase your ability to empathise and connect with the more flavoured among us. Remember, sharing is caring.
When all else fails, hold on in the knowledge that all things must pass and you too will get through your loved one’s particularly emotional period. Nothing stays the same forever and this too shall morph. All you need do is give your loved one time to get over, get through, and get going again.
Granted, loving an emotional person is a minefield for some. If you genuinely want to make a difference, acknowledging the courage and vulnerability it takes to express true emotion is a good start. When you're entrusted with someone’s raw heart and delicate state of mind, consider it a gift. In return the most beautiful act of love you can show is to simply allow their emotions to be.
Written with emotion and a touch of sarcasm by Sue McKay.
Inspired by a series of events which exposed my vulnerability.
With thanks to Brene Brown for her teachings on vulnerability.