Similar to the 2am drunk-as-a-skunk texts that I should never have sent in younger days, perhaps turning to my blog at times like these—in more mature years—should be banned. Yet here I am.
This is my therapy and writing forms part of my personal crisis management. And so I write.
Fucking, fucking life.
I do love it. Really I do. But there’s no denying that what’s happening right now is heavy. Bordering a personal crisis. Management is required.
And that’s life.
Because I have a saying “no dominoes” (meaning that I refuse to take part in a downfall and that the buck stops with me), I have an in-built off-switch that I can turn to when times get tough.
So I’m chanting “no dominoes, no dominoes, no dominoes” right now, as I churn through work, family matters, social events and other every day happenings.
Problems of others aside, I am excited for my future, more than I care to admit to those whose paths I cross each day. And this along with my marriage makes me very happy. My future is held back right now, on hold so to speak, because I am forced (admittedly through my own choice) to concentrate my energy on others. And so it is.
I am in better control of my emotions than I’ve ever been. I find this comforting, seeing as anxiety and depression plagued my past, when I had little if any control over personal crisis management. No longer, thank goodness.
But I am scared of what may come tomorrow, next week or next month, and predominantly, my focus is on avoiding being drawn – beyond control – into the issues of those that surround me.
The following question is rhetorical.
How do you remain emotionally connected with others, yet honour your needs at the same time?
Memories are taking precedence within me, so I take comfort in reminding myself that tomorrow does not necessarily equal yesterday.
I have wonderful friends. But I don’t know who I can trust with my heart and soul.
This is me right now.
I work, I smile, I laugh, I play, I host functions, I think, I protect, I act, I mourn, I pick my battles and I choose my confidantes. That is all part of my Warrior Woman facade.
Truth is I am scared. That is real.
Personal crisis management and blogging equivalent to 2am drunk text over and out.