I wonder what I wished for so fervently in my past life to have been reincarnated to this experience. What was it I craved which has created this; all that there is and is not around me.
I think it was freedom.
As life has shown me, I have more freedom than most. I have the luxury and the misery of not being responsible for any person but myself. And that makes me want to be all the more responsible.
I can’t help but ask myself, if not to be a mother and care for my offspring, why am I here?
I don’t want to waste this opportunity. I want to live a purposeful life, one which I can reflect upon and be proud.
My free and transient nature sees me at 47 years of age with little commitments other than marriage, mortgage and morals. I am, as one might say, free as a bird. I certainly feel that way.
If you were to picture freedom, how would it look? To me it is an open field, an endless blue sky, that moment when the sun disappears behind the horizon. Freedom to me conjures space. This typifies how I see my life.
I can choose anything I wish.
With this understanding that I am one hundred percent responsible for my choices in life, I have at times sensed a danger of becoming lost in this freedom, in this space. But never has this worried me as much as how it feels to be lost in confinement.
For if you were to look into a crystal ball and say to me, “what you have today is your lot in life“. If you were to give me a job description to define the next 10 years of my career, well, you had might as well clip my wings and cage me up.
It’s not a lack of appreciation of where I am in my life as it stands today and it’s certainly not about greed. It’s about having the freedom to experience the highs and lows in life that will lead me to discovering just why I’m here.
Even if the whole reason I’m here is simply to be free and experience life.
The main thing is that we experience it consciously and with open arms.
We all deserve that.