i am (2019)

Two and a half years ago I wrote a blog post titled I Am. It was me, raw, on June 7, 2016.

This is where I am today, January 8, 2019.

I am happy.
I am in an unconventional place in my being living a conventional life according to me.
I am incredibly proud of myself for speaking up. It has changed my life.
I am more authentic than I’ve ever been.
I am on my way to where I want to be, and every little step, be it forward or seemingly backward, congruently affirms it to be “on the path”.
I am addicted to podcasts.
I am still essentially creative.
I am so in love with my dog Yippee; he lights up my life.
I am blessed to dream of either my mum, my dad, my brother Rob, or my sister-in-law Jan, all who have passed to another dimension, most nights.
I am appreciating a quieter and less stressful life. It’s been a conscious change.
I am very much enjoying learning how to photograph better, and most of all, how to be better at living life in accordance with me.
I am going to learn piano.
I am not afraid of dieing. I think of it often.
I am bigger than ever on being respectful.
I am a photographer and a writer at heart, and I’m finding this easier to admit than I used to.
I am more in awe of my sister with each passing day.
I am affected more by my father’s death, than any other’s.
I am a believer in God. God is in me. God is in you. The word ‘God’ is a tainted concept. Use something else if you don’t like it. But know that everything you need is in you. I’m with John Lennon on this one.
I am interested in conversations that involve the spiritual, the mystical, the metaphysical.
I am less righteous than I once was.
I am more compassionate than I used to be of people who make excuses, but it still rattles my cage to a certain degree. Just admit where you are in life. It’s ok. No-one is better than any other. It’s all relative.
I am the best sleeper I know. It’s one of my favourite times of day. Other favourite times include waking up before sunrise and walking Yippee. All of these are the most peaceful times of my day.
I am good at flying when awake and asleep. One involves aeroplanes.
I am quickly aware of patterns in my life – more than I used to be. Patterns are the essence of what needs addressing in all of us.
I am more accepting of the fact that life decisions are affected by cashflow.
I am excited about every single day. And each day, we have one less to live. Fact.
I am living my purpose whether I realise it or not.
I am open to whatever tomorrow holds, and I have a huge influence on what that is.
I am certain music is therapeutic. George Harrison makes me cry with a purity of happiness.
I am not so worried as I used to be that I will lose my memory; as my mother and grandmother did.
I am incredibly inspired by people who take risks to be authentic. Shit yeah. Yew!
I am stuck on acknowledging the day that people were born. It’s important to me.
I am noticing my age and I like it. Every year is new.
I am so very grateful for all the semi-lives I’ve lived within this life!
I am a Beatles tragic. I go to another world when I hear their songs.
I am a traveller. I was not born to sit still.
I am a simmering cauldron.
I am calmer than I used to be.
I am so much more than I or you realise.
I am studying matters beyond the mind.
I am less concerned about what I haven’t done, and more focussed on what I’m doing right now.
I am still a fusspot over grammar. It satisfies the nerd in me. I like honouring what is correct.
I am more lighthearted than before.
I am fortunate to be able to call many people my friends and family.
I am blessed to be married to my best friend. But it’s been rocky at times.
I am hopeful that people will take more responsibility for how they communicate verbally and non-verbally, because communication is the answer to all problems.
I am sad that people are unaware of each other, and of themselves.
I am increasingly aware of how much anger there is in the world. Road rage, shopping rage, social media rage. Everyone should take a chill pill and realise the only Rage needed is on the ABC from 11pm each Friday night.
I am wanting a greater connection with my self, my friends and my family. Working on it…
I am not only desperately seeking Susan, I am also desperately seeking you. I will try to listen better. Please speak to me.
I am inviting you to share with me, that which you are.

Sue McKay
Loving life as I boldly go where I've never been before. I'm a writer, photographer, and business owner of Kick It To Me Enterprises with a Grand-Canyon-sized vision involving my Nikon, sport, and my blog.

7 thoughts on “i am (2019)”

  1. Thank you Suse for not just writing this piece, but engaging me with your thoughtful musings and rawness in your open honesty.

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